You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
