My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
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