She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize