am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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