This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
