when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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