3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't turn off my feet"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
