last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He felt like a one man threesome
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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