Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so let's talk penis.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
