Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
