well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
