I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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