who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
