we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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