Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Boobs speak an international language.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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