Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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