just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize