I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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