Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
