I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
