It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
