also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
