Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
