I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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