at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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