Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
