i would punch a child for taco bell
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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