I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
