Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
