i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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