first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We got so high we made milksteak
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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