oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
how drunk are you?
Several
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize