I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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