Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
