Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize