So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
