How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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