before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
