I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
