did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
