marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
