your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize