Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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