Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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