I think I died a long time ago.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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