I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
