hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You took a bar mat shot.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
