So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
