I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize