Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize