i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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