Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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