yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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