do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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