It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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