Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
