I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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