i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
