Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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