You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize