How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
