Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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