i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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