Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I have demons in me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
