if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
