Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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